allure | Yet I was hopeful that I could use the show’s vast platform to speak
directly to their predominantly black and Latinx listeners, who are
often excluded from the conversations held in mainstream LGBT spaces
(which are largely white, moneyed, and concerned with the centering of
cis folk). I hoped I could make listeners aware of the lived realities
of their trans sisters, and let them know that we deserve to be seen,
heard, and acknowledged without the threat of harassment, exclusion, and
violence.
My ultimate goal was to be accessible — to not judge,
to call in rather than call out, and, above all, to exercise patience as
the (straight cis male) hosts processed my existence. It’s rare that I
do Trans 101 lecturing anymore, because I’ve already done that work with
my first book, Redefining Realness, which was filled with plain speak and explanatory commas about definitions, statistics, and context.
In
fact, I’ve turned down thousands from colleges and corporations because
I refuse to engage in Trans 101. Trans folk, especially of color,
should not be obligated to help cis folk play catch-up on our
experiences. The effort can detract from our work to protect and
liberate ourselves. Yet I also know that black and Latina trans women
often live in communities of color, so outreach to viewers of color,
from The Wendy Williams Show and Essence to Desus & Mero, was vital as I set out on my book tour.
I was invited to “The Breakfast Club” because cohost Yee chose my second memoir, Surpassing Certainty, for her book club. It was my last scheduled media appearance after a long, grueling tour in support of Surpassing Certainty,
which is about the years in my life I decided to keep my trans-ness
private — largely in order to gain access and maintain my safety. These
years coincided with my 20s, when I navigated college, graduate school,
and my early media career. The interview aired on radio stations across
the country (edited and condensed) and in its entirety on YouTube a week later.
Though
I have not been able to watch the video of my interview (I have already
experienced it and won’t be doing so again), I’m proud of the labor I
put forth, and I’m grateful to Yee for her preparation and effort to
steer the conversation away from the particulars of my body and instead
toward my work. The interview was what it was, and I refuse to
re-experience being asked about my vagina in such blatant, irrelevant,
and sensational ways. Again, if I am not fucking you, why do you care?
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