the onion | As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."
Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."
Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.
16 comments:
The evangelists are in a massive campaign to counter every scientific theory. I just spent 48 hours in a running dialogue/debate with a man who is insisting that dinosaurs and humans walked the earth together. He insists that science is false, and sent me link after link from creationist sites and blogs. His primary proof is cave drawings in France and stone engravings in Cambodia that supposedly depict dinosaurs.
I find that since they are already "believers," they believe those things that support their beliefs and call scientifically derived information "lies." Their certainty is astounding.
Would you describe his certainty as sufficient underpinnings for a battle line portending violence?
Oh hell yes. Given the temperature of the discussion, I'm sure he would have been tempted to put his hands on me if we had been face-to-face. I was merely tempted to laugh incredulously at him.
So the next logical question is, if there is such a thing as intelligent falling, why isn't there intelligent suspending in midair? Why wouldn't "the intelligent being" prevent a plane from falling to the ground when it has engine. trouble, or a parachutist when the chute doesn't work? It implies the intelligent being is vindictive (should not have been trying to do that in the first place.)
It's The Onion magne. So the only logic pertaining here, is the logic of pointed ridicule of bibtardical magical thinking.
You know "intelligent falling" is a parody, right?
Ken, ok, but for some of us the line between parody and earnest dialog is not as sharp as it could be.
Somebody talks about dinosaurs and humans walking the earth together, that is just about as aggressively ignorant as "Intelligent Falling."
Thanks Tom for your insights, I was wondering if you were had it ever explained how dinosaurs became extinct. It seems fossils of dinosaurs big and small have been found in all places of the world. There have even been fossils found at the north and south poles. Have you been able to find a definitive answer as to what great whole earth event was able to extinguish both large and small dinosaurs across the whole earth?
Well this one was rather simple as not an argument "bibtards" would make. Believers do not believe God would be pushing us down, but rather would be complimentary to the science of gravity. God holds all things together, which of course would be in line with principles of gravity.
Colossians: He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.
rotflmbao...,
yeah Tom, what Ken said - repeated with conviction Colossians: He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all
creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and
on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers
or authorities all things have been created through Him and for
Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.with that degree of meaningful specificity, any and all theories, predictions, and tests can be adroitly accommodated on an "as preferred" basis.
Dunno.
But did dinosaurs and humans coexist?
Ken if you can make something out of the extinctions, go for it. As a matter of fact I pretty much believe in some kind of God thing.
Anselm had a more sensible take on that, though. Obviously there's more out there than we can ever possibly comprehend. Plenty of room for God.What I don't believe in is people telling me science is wrong because they have some half-understood book edited by the Emperor Constantine. Screw that. Science is wrong so freaking often already, put down the smoke screen and engage on the real issues.
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God holds all things together, which of course would be in line with principles of gravity. "
Gimme a break! Is God somehow not in charge of electrostatics? Like charges repel; opposite charges attract. Is one or the other of those encouraged or prohibited by the Bible? You indulge in utter nonsense.
Well, yeah, sounds right to me! I hate Popper when he gets too close to scientific details, but, right, what is falsifiable about that?
Nobody was asking for specificity, I was only showing why doctrinally no "bibtard" as you call them would be on board with this.
Lol, the bibtards are on board with this and all kinds of other magical thinking. Personally, I'm hoping they go the route of a rather infamous Hoosier and drink the kool-aid once they realize the magic isn't going to save them. If you believe really, really hard ken, the dinosaurs walked the earth with humans! Oh, and the earth isn't warming and it surely wouldn't be because xtians love to burn gasoline in their cars and run their tvs on coal powered electricity!
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