Thursday, November 26, 2009

sure, on an individual basis - and I'll prove it

How otherwise could I offer you this guaranteed recipe for rolls easy enough for a child to make - and upon which you and yours are guaranteed to absolutely hurt yourself (in the best possible way of course). These go well with turkey and all the trimmings, or, standalone with jams, jellies, and preserves.

You'll need 3 packets of yeast,
1/3rd cup of lukewarm water
soften/dissolve yeast in the warm water

2/3rds cup of sugar,
1 tablespoon of salt
3 tablespoons of vegetable oil
3 cups of boiling water
mix these together and set them aside to cool

1 tablespoon of sugar
3 room temperature eggs
whisk these together in your largest mixing bowl

12 cups of sifted flour

Pour the dissolved yeast onto the egg and sugar mixture and gently whisk these together. (gotta jump start the yeasty proliferation) When the boiling salty, sugary, oily water is lukewarm, pour it into the jumpstarted egg/yeast/sugar mixture in the bowl and gently integrate it all with your whisk.

To this fragrant, active, yeasty brown egg broth - you will add your twelve cups of sifted flour. Up until the 8th cup or so, it's pretty easy, but from the 8th to the 12th cup, it becomes somewhat drier and more difficult to whisk and integrate additional flour.

Anyway, once you get all that biologically active mass of dough pulled together in your big mixing bowl, you'll probably want to break it up into a couple, possibly three smaller batches for overnight population explosion. (i.e., letting the dough rise, as the yeast devours the sugar and emits mass quantities of CO2 into the mass)

Be sure to cover each of your smaller rising bowls with a wet towel (cheesecloth) (so that as the dough rises overnight, it doesn't dry out on its surface) put the wet towel covered rising bowls in the refrigerator overnight (the cold will only moderate the yeasty population explosion) come late morning, you'll have big swollen. fragrant, yeasty dough balls trying to burst through the moist towels covering each bowl.

These will stay viable throughout the day into mid-afternoon. A couple of hours before you're ready to bake, melt a stick of butter in a bowl. Punch down a dough ball, roll it out on a floured board, use a juice glass to cut it out into ~3 inch circles.

Have a baking sheet ready.

Dip each circle (roll) into the melted butter and fold it in the middle onto the baking pan. Line these up row after row until the pan is full. Let the divided, conquered, buttered, and beaten rolls sit on that baking sheet to rise for at least 90 minutes (yes, the yeast is still very much alive even after all that abuse)

After that second rising, the baking sheet will be at overflow capacity with monstrous, swollen rolls a good three times larger than they were when you put them on the baking sheet.

Comes now the apocalypse.

Bake the rolls at 350 degrees until they're just a little golden brown 25-35 minutes.

Serve them immediately at the outset of your thanksgiving day feast. Trust me, once you've dropped these heavy, fresh, buttery hard rolls (not like bread at all) on a hungry gathering of friends and family, you will have ruined them for life on any possible alternative. From that point forward, as far as your guests are concerned, your holiday feasts will be all about the rolls. Accept no substitutes....,